Dear Blog,

So, as I begin writing this I guess that it should be done as a letter since that's how this started, isn't it? I figured even though there will be a few times in which I will write in this blog myself I still feel a desire to write about the key points leading up to my mission starting with one. 

When President Thomas S. Monson first announced the age change for sister missionaries from 21 years to 19 I was excited. Before then, I had not considered it. I figured that if no guy wanted to marry me by then...well, what the heck, I'd go. Something clicked that day though. I knew it was something I was to think about, but I never seriously did until my senior year of high school. Maybe it was because that's when they push you to start considering your future. It was more than that though. I wanted to do it, but I was scared. Of what? Well, I was afraid of leaving home, my family, friends, a quick slip into college life at UVU, and the comfort of everyday living. It was more than that though. I was afraid of something unknown. I'm not a talkative person. Approaching people is hard for me. I didn't think that I could be good at that kind of stuff. I still don't, but I'm working on it.

With all these fears (or excuses, now that I think about it) I still got on my knees and asked. My answer came very, very, very slowly. I didn't expect it to come fast anyway and I let the question float around in my head. I waited patiently.

The answer came in a way I wasn't expecting. My mother was watching the Women's General Broadcast on her iPad. It was a recording, because she had missed the actual live showing. I decided to watch even though I was still clinging on for dear life on the title of 'young woman'. I don't remember the talks. I do remember the music. As the choir sang I suddenly received an impression in my mind to read my patriarchal blessing, I had thought this before, but not in this way. So, during one of the songs I made my way to my room, took my blessing out my my 'special things drawer', knelt down, and read...slowly. I cannot describe what I felt when I finished. I was elated and felt like I knew something. I cannot tell the details, but over and over I read about my responsibilities of my tribe and the things regarding sharing my testimony, being a leader (something I'm not yet, but hope to become), and being a light to others. Things that I was supposed to do. I do not think of myself as great or overly spiritual or extremely faithful. If you can understand one thing it is this. Heavenly Father is good to me more than I deserve. I take no credit for the things He shapes and has shaped me into. The promises I have been given are not something that I boast. These are the things the God has been so gracious as to bless me with and to help me decide on a mission.

I cried. I admit. With bowed head I thanked my God for my answer.

Much later that senior year was the hardest I had ever been tested in my life. I tripped and fell. I stopped reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. I enjoyed church, but it wasn't the same. I lost whatever light I had gained from years of spiritual preparation. Thinking back, I feel sorrow at the thought of the things I missed and the people I started hanging out with at school.

Everything was really difficult, because I had lost that spiritual connection. I wanted it back so bad. But, with the example of certain individuals, my parents, the scriptures, and my God I got back up. Not without my older brother, Jesus Christ, to hold my hand.

We moved from Puyallup, WA to St. George, UT. I hated it. I admit. I miss my friends and family, but I honor my parents decision, because it's probably one of the best things they did for me. I got a job, strengthened relationships, and I visit the temple grounds on my days off for a few hours to sit and read the scriptures. It is here that I really felt myself being stitched back together.

It was then I felt a remembrance of the stirrings I had felt when I had received my answer to that question. "Should I serve a mission?" I knew that I was supposed to go. Not only that, but I wanted to go. So, I scheduled my interview with the bishop and then the stake president. I felt excited again. After hours, days, and weeks of trying to get back on my feet to feel ready and worthy to be an instrument in the Lord's hands it finally happened. On my final interview with the stake president, I handed him my medical papers and was told they, along with the rest of my information, would be sent to church headquarters. I would receive my call in a large white envelope on September 12th, 2014. Clutching that envelope in my hands I suddenly felt a sense of hopelessness. Just as I could not have regained that love, spirituality, and faith that I had worked so hard to gain over the years from my Heavenly Father there was no way I could do this by myself. Deo Gratiam Habeamus. Let us be grateful to God.

35 Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.

 36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.

 37 Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

-Alma 26: 35-37 

Sincerely,
Raye France